Some oft cited reasons to choose to stay together:<\/p>\n
I know plenty of folks disagree with this. But kids are a great reason to choose each other. Not for the kids sake. But for your own sanity. Someone to talk it out with. Someone to share it with. Someone else to be responsible. So in a really, really selfish way, I actually buy this one.<\/li>\n
Emotions temporarily making choosing to be together easy and difficult all at once. Love tells us to stay together. Other emotions pull us apart.<\/p>\n
I think we’re so perfectly taught that love fixes things; love overcomes hurdles; etc. that we turn love into the choice. I choose to love her, and therefore I stay with her.<\/li>\n
When leaving is too much work, or the inertia of choosing something else is too overwhelming, we decide to just let sunk cost make the choice for us. It’s a bad place to be, but one that I see a lot of people come to peace with and continue.<\/li>\n
The idealist in me says this is the only reason we should ever choose to stay in it. It’s never this simple, but man oh man I wish it could be.<\/p>\n
It’s critical that it be a running average because any given incident is likely to be all pro or all con. It’s hard to see the silver lining in the moment.<\/p>\n
I don’t think we’re very good at calculating running averages, but in a lot of ways I think the best relationships that I’ve seen are the ones that can understand their past and predict their future based on the running average.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
But none of these feel very satisfying to the larger thesis. So there has to be something else to it. I just haven’t found it yet :-\/<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Some oft cited reasons to choose to stay together: Kids I know plenty of folks disagree with this. But kids are a great reason to choose each other. Not for the kids sake. But for your own sanity. Someone to talk it out with. Someone to share it with. Someone else to be responsible. So […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[4,1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pQyAq-ic","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1115,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/04\/14\/what-is-it-that-binds-us\/","url_meta":{"origin":1128,"position":0},"title":"What is it that binds us?","date":"April 14, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This blog post is 6 days late. It all started when I got sick, fell behind, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been playing catch up ever since. Some of these catch up blog posts are relevant to the day. Others are just random musings. I've had friends get married and divorced much quicker\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":75,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2007\/11\/06\/bringing-computing-to-everyone\/","url_meta":{"origin":1128,"position":1},"title":"Bringing Computing to Everyone","date":"November 6, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Amazon started a contest where a startup was to use their Amazon Web Services (AWS), such as storage, scaled computing, Mechanical Turk, to create a product. The winning entry will win $100,000. I had an idea for this, but I thought that the correct combination of hardware and software didn't\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":920,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/02\/14\/when-ending-is-critical-for-beginning\/","url_meta":{"origin":1128,"position":2},"title":"When ending is critical for beginning","date":"February 14, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I wrote this as a note to someone special earlier this week, and I really like the message. I've decided to share it in an edited format here. Folks leave. It's sad because it feels like somehow the system failed. But we don't think that about death. When someone dies,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Becoming a PM"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":956,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/02\/25\/finding-the-swimming-sweet-spot\/","url_meta":{"origin":1128,"position":3},"title":"Finding the swimming sweet spot","date":"February 25, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"We just got back from swimming. We've changed from our Saturday afternoon slot to a Tuesday evening slot, and it's totally changed how the kids engage. I feel like we've finally found their swimming sweet spot. Our Saturday teacher was a woman named Simone who is a fantastic swimming teacher.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fatherhood"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":873,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/02\/03\/what-do-i-want-to-be-excellent-at\/","url_meta":{"origin":1128,"position":4},"title":"What do I want to be excellent at","date":"February 3, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"We've got an amazing thread going on on amplifize focusing on a New Yorker article about the ill effects of working too much. I've ended up on the other end of the debate (as seems to happen a lot lately) advocating for overwork when applied towards achieving a degree of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1882,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2018\/04\/04\/2018-goals-march-update\/","url_meta":{"origin":1128,"position":5},"title":"2018 Goals - March update","date":"April 4, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"tldr; Steady progress Get to 175 lbs I haven't nailed the pattern of exercise to accelerate things, but I'm solidly below 200 pounds (199 lbs). The goal in April will be focusing on getting exercise into the groove in one way or another to really push me into the 180s\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "New Year Resolutions"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1128"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1128"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1128\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1128"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1128"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1128"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}