There’s one month to go in my Summer of Zimbra. I can genuinely say that I’ve learned a lot of things, many of which I never expected to experience. At the same time, I’ve been battling a desire to just burn out. I’m not sure why I never learned balance in my life, but if life isn’t moving at the speed of light, then I must crashing and burning. It’s really a terrible thing to do to yourself, but I’ve never really escaped this cycle. The past couple of days have been particularly difficult. Why?<\/p>\n
1) Living Situation<\/strong><\/p>\n I found the place that I was staying on Craig’s List. The place isn’t a dump. It’s small, but I have a room, access to a kitchen, and a bathroom. Internet works 3\/10 times that I try to log on. I mean really, in the 21st century in a city like San Francisco, can you really expect any better? The real issue is the lack of communication between the people who live here. We all sleep within 10 yards of each other, and I think I’ve said 10 words to all of my room mates combined. Some are using the land lord as a proxy to get things done. Others are just never around. It’s just not conducive to a healthy environment. I think I let it eat away at me to the point where I was only happy if I was escaping the “prison cell”, as I refer to my room. Eventually that attitude really weighs a person down.<\/p>\n 2) Frustrating People<\/strong><\/p>\n I love the game soccer more than almost anything. I feel that I know the game at a pretty high level. I wish that I had the athleticism necessary to play at higher levels, but it just wasn’t what was meant to be for me. What really frustrates me is when others put themselves above the game. It happened to such an extreme at our match this weekend, that I actually stopped playing for about 5 minutes, and just bemoaned the inability of one of my teammates to do what was best for the team. That’s not what it should be about. It should be about stepping out on the field and playing the game that you love. For some reason, there is always that one individual who wants to take it away from you. I need to just ignore that person and find the beauty in the game that I love.<\/p>\n 3) The Future…<\/strong><\/p>\n I think that this bothers everybody. I’ve been thinking about my future a lot recently. I don’t know what’s best for me. That’s really frustrating. I know what my desired end point is, and I know where I am today, but there just isn’t a path that leads there. Every path curves so that I can’t see what happens over the next hill. Some days, those hills really find a way of crushing you. I think that for the last couple of days I’ve really felt like I’m climbing mountains with only higher mountains on the other side. But, you’ve got to keep climbing if you really think the treasure is on the other side.<\/p>\n Only one month to go…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There’s one month to go in my Summer of Zimbra. I can genuinely say that I’ve learned a lot of things, many of which I never expected to experience. At the same time, I’ve been battling a desire to just burn out. I’m not sure why I never learned balance in my life, but if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[12,1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pQyAq-10","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":273,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2010\/02\/17\/no-flour-no-sugar-for-lent-2010\/","url_meta":{"origin":62,"position":0},"title":"No Flour, No Sugar for Lent 2010","date":"February 17, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"I started observing Lent two years ago because I'm fascinated by the idea of self-restraint and how it can help make one better. The goal isn't to give something up forever, but to see if one can give it up at all. The reward, if it can be called as\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "New Year Resolutions"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":421,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2011\/01\/01\/what-a-year-2010\/","url_meta":{"origin":62,"position":1},"title":"What a year, 2010","date":"January 1, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"The roller coaster which was 2010 has come to a close. It was pretty awesome. I got married, Micky is pregnant. I changed jobs (still at TokBox though). I'm ready for 2011. I'm going to become a father, and I'm also pretty psyched about the new doors that have opened\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "New Year Resolutions"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1279,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/10\/25\/26-days-til-30\/","url_meta":{"origin":62,"position":2},"title":"26 days til 30","date":"October 25, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Life advice (Part I) There's a common piece of advice that I got from tons of folks in life which is just plain wrong, and I learned it was wrong over the last decade: The world says, \"Don't get married young. Enjoy life first, and get to experience things a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":548,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2012\/05\/19\/jury-duty-what-an-experience\/","url_meta":{"origin":62,"position":3},"title":"Jury Duty - What an experience","date":"May 19, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"I was summoned for jury duty about a month ago, and thought to myself, well shit, there's no way I'm getting out of this. I got to the court house at 1pm this past Monday, and hunkered down for what I thought was going to be a long and boring\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1007,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/03\/15\/the-tax-man-wins-again\/","url_meta":{"origin":62,"position":4},"title":"The tax man wins again :-(","date":"March 15, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I just dropped off the check to our CPA to pay for his services. I really like the guy, but the results have been a bit brutal lately. Getting smart about finances and money management has been hard for us. We've nailed budgets in Mint (what an awesome tool. I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Life Updates"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":563,"url":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2012\/10\/01\/what-happened-to-aboutmydive-com\/","url_meta":{"origin":62,"position":5},"title":"What happened to AboutMyDive.com?","date":"October 1, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"I wanted to do a post-mortem on aboutmydive.com. This was my first attempt at building something that I hoped would become more than a project. It didn't, and I think it failed for a few simple reasons that I wanted to share here. 1) No audience interest I thought that\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Rainbow Hat Guy transition"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=62"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/62\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=62"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=62"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=62"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}