{"id":1115,"date":"2014-04-14T22:22:13","date_gmt":"2014-04-15T05:22:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/?p=1115"},"modified":"2014-04-14T22:22:13","modified_gmt":"2014-04-15T05:22:13","slug":"what-is-it-that-binds-us","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/04\/14\/what-is-it-that-binds-us\/","title":{"rendered":"What is it that binds us?"},"content":{"rendered":"

This blog post is 6 days late. It all started when I got sick, fell behind, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been playing catch up ever since. Some of these catch up blog posts are relevant to the day. Others are just random musings.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

I’ve had friends get married and divorced much quicker than I thought would happen. There was one that didn’t surprise me at all, and others where I couldn’t believe it. The profiles of the folks are totally different, and while the sample size is small, I’m not convinced there would be many patterns even if I went looking for them.<\/p>\n

Fundamentally it came down to the individuals changed at a quicker pace than the relationship grew to accept these changes.<\/p>\n

So I’ve been asking myself quite a bit about what, in today’s world, glues relationships together.<\/p>\n

It turns out the negative cases are a lot easier to find than the positive ones. Once upon a time a woman had no choice but to stay because she couldn’t support herself and her kids otherwise. Then as that changed there were cultural and religious expectations that a\u00c2\u00a0divorce was unacceptable regardless of the situation. We all know that that gave undue power to the abuser in the family (whoever it was (and whether it was emotional or physical)).<\/p>\n

But if religion no longer stops us from getting a divorce, and society no longer shames us, then what keeps us together?<\/p>\n

Choice.<\/p>\n

I’ve thought about it for a while, and it really does come down to the fact that every single day individuals in a committed relationship make a choice to stay together. Marriage is 100% a legal entity for worst case scenarios, and to protect & share assets. But monogamy, which used to be tightly coupled with marriage, is a daily choice.<\/p>\n

And I think that’s why it’s so easy for individual growth to outpace the relationship. We so easily make different choices from the ones we made yesterday – americano instead of latte, caesar salad instead of garden salad, taking the highway instead of city streets, etc. – that it’s become really easy to just choose to end the relationship.<\/p>\n

We’re great at changing our minds. We’re great at being convinced that a choice we used to always make – wearing front-pleated trousers – is something that we should (and can) quickly change. And it applies to big decisions as well (marriage & divorce in fact).<\/p>\n

And so the follow on is… why do we make the choice we do? And that’s tomorrow night’s blog post \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This blog post is 6 days late. It all started when I got sick, fell behind, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been playing catch up ever since. Some of these catch up blog posts are relevant to the day. Others are just random musings. I’ve had friends get married and divorced much quicker than I thought would happen. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[4,44,1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pQyAq-hZ","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1095,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/04\/08\/getting-sick-falling-behind\/","url_meta":{"origin":1115,"position":0},"title":"Getting sick. Falling behind","date":"April 8, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This blog post is 10 days late. It all started on this date when I got sick, fell behind, and I've been playing catch up ever since. Some of these catch up blog posts are relevant to the day. Others are just random musings. I'm falling sick today. I can\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1097,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/04\/09\/rest-is-the-only-cure\/","url_meta":{"origin":1115,"position":1},"title":"Rest is the only cure","date":"April 9, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This blog post is 9\u00c2\u00a0days late. It all started on this date when I got sick, fell behind, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been playing catch up ever since. Some of these catch up blog posts are relevant to the day. Others are just random musings. I just woke up (it's 3pm) about\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Life Updates"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1099,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/04\/10\/another-book-update\/","url_meta":{"origin":1115,"position":2},"title":"Another book update","date":"April 10, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This blog post is 8\u00c2\u00a0days late. It all started when I got sick, fell behind, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been playing catch up ever since. Some of these catch up blog posts are relevant to the day. Others are just random musings. I haven't gotten my copy of \"4-day work week\" yet,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "New Year Resolutions"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":157,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2009\/08\/27\/to-be-proud\/","url_meta":{"origin":1115,"position":3},"title":"To Be Proud","date":"August 27, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"In a general regard, I think that having pride in what one does is one of the more difficult achievements on my list. I think this mainly comes from the fact that many people work simply to support a lifestyle or to cater to a social norm of contributing or\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1104,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/04\/12\/team-bonding\/","url_meta":{"origin":1115,"position":4},"title":"Team bonding","date":"April 12, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This blog post is 6 days late. It all started when I got sick, fell behind, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been playing catch up ever since. Some of these catch up blog posts are relevant to the day. Others are just random musings. Yesterday we went to wine country as a product\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Becoming a PM"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1102,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/04\/11\/mind-blown\/","url_meta":{"origin":1115,"position":5},"title":"Mind blown...","date":"April 11, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This blog post is 7\u00c2\u00a0days late. It all started when I got sick, fell behind, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been playing catch up ever since. Some of these catch up blog posts are relevant to the day. Others are just random musings. I'm reading Founders at Work, and I've just had my\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1115"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1115"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1115\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1115"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1115"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1115"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}