I have this incredible sense of being stuck.<\/p>\n
I don’t know the source, and I’m not convinced that it’s not of my own doing. Worse, I’m pretty convinced it is of my own doing.<\/p>\n
It just feels like at every turn we’re this close to an answer; this close to progress; this close to finishing; but we just can’t get there. And I don’t feel like I have any control left. Any more levers or motivational speeches.<\/p>\n
I took a run today with Theo, and it was wonderful. For the first time, in a long time, my mind was empty. My focus on my breathing. The road. The baby in the stroller. That silence between my ears was heavenly.<\/p>\n
But then I got home again, and I couldn’t keep the volume down.<\/p>\n
I hope the end of the year let’s me switch into 2016 in a different zone. But I don’t know… this one feels like it has roots that are starting to settle.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have this incredible sense of being stuck. I don’t know the source, and I’m not convinced that it’s not of my own doing. Worse, I’m pretty convinced it is of my own doing. It just feels like at every turn we’re this close to an answer; this close to progress; this close to finishing; […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"A sense of being stuck","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[4,1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pQyAq-qz","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":846,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/01\/29\/a-back-up-needs-a-back-up\/","url_meta":{"origin":1647,"position":0},"title":"A back up needs a back up","date":"January 29, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"The nanny got sick today. We don't have a back up plan. Burned... Parenthood teaches you very quickly to expect that your back up needs a back up. It's not enough to expect the kid to get dirty. They're going to get dirty, and then pee through their diaper. One\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fatherhood"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":338,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2010\/05\/31\/russian-river-weekend\/","url_meta":{"origin":1647,"position":1},"title":"Russian River weekend","date":"May 31, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Micky and I trekked north to the Russian River region which is the northern tip of the North Bay. At least, I wouldn't call too much past Guernesville the Bay Area. More than an hour out, and you're really pushing it. Anyway, just as we were getting to our hotel,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Melih gets married"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1340,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/11\/13\/7-days-til-30\/","url_meta":{"origin":1647,"position":2},"title":"7 days til 30","date":"November 13, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Biggest moment #1 - Moving to California The biggest moment that I can think of... the one that really defines all of the rest is moving to California. I never wanted to stay in North Carolina. It was never going to be a big enough pond for me. Matt Davis\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1071,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/04\/01\/it-feels-insincere\/","url_meta":{"origin":1647,"position":3},"title":"It feels insincere","date":"April 1, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"There was an election in Turkey over the weekend. My Facebook news feed is full of folks who are predicting the beginning of the end for AKP. The change in the vote results is quite noticeable. Unfortunately, it's mainly the right switching from the religious freaks to the nationalist freaks.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":171,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2009\/09\/07\/a-quick-football-update\/","url_meta":{"origin":1647,"position":4},"title":"A Quick Football Update","date":"September 7, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"First week of the college football season is about to come to a close as the Miami\/FSU game is about to start. I had a horrible week of gambling, but a really great time just watching the games. I got my parent's Slingbox going to watch some East Coast games,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Sports betting"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1494,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2015\/03\/11\/hitting-emotional-bankruptcy\/","url_meta":{"origin":1647,"position":5},"title":"Hitting emotional bankruptcy","date":"March 11, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm in a bad place. Ian used to tell me all of the time how I'd get stuck in ruts, and it was my job as a leader in the company to get out, and help move people forward. But I'm in one of those ruts where it just feels\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1647"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1647"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1647\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1647"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1647"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1647"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}