I think that one thing that I do very poorly is succeed. Succeed in the sense that I dream it, I build it, and execute it successfully. This idea goes much deeper than the lunch table “state school” jokes. Instead, it’s something that I’ve really been thinking about lately.<\/p>\n
As an example, I went to a soccer tryout today. I think I did really well. I played smart; I wasn’t in as great a shape as I would like, but I was fit; and I think that I showed my strengths. My goal for the last year or so has been to get into good enough shape to be a contributor for a team at a higher division than the one in which I’ve been playing. I think that tonight I pulled that off, but it’s really the first time in a long time where I’ve had that sense of really accomplishing something long term. I played soccer my whole life, and I never felt as if I made a team on which there was competition for my position. Doing well tonight was a big mental milestone to overcome. Nothing is set in stone yet, but regardless of the end result, I really feel like I came out of the experience better. If not because I made the team, then because I’m in a much better state of mind about my health and form.<\/p>\n
I’m not sure where the inability to, or general lack in confidence in my ability to, succeed comes from. It may be the last bits of looking back over the last five years, and trying to figure out where I got better and at what.When I look back now, it’s such a blur that I really don’t know how to consume it all. I have one particular program I wrote that I’m still in love with to this day. I had 2 internships that I absolutely loved. I have a group of friends who have stayed with me through thick and thin. Those are all good things, but it’s hard to label them as successes as I see success now.<\/p>\n
All of that said, I definitely find myself tackling the issue head on. I’ve got the 10 resolutions for 2010, which are so far going quite well. I’ve got 2 or 3 projects at work against which I track daily progress against a larger goal. One is nearly finished. A second is dreadfully far behind, while a third is just getting started. This idea of doing things in a public eye as a form of public pressure to commit and delivery has been good for me. As an example, I gave up soda today to make sure that I reach my 25 lbs. lost by June 1st deadline. Both the deadline itself, and this new goal, are really tough challenges where I’d really like to succeed, and placing them out for public consumption makes it easier for me.<\/p>\n
Nonetheless, I’m still interested in why I have to be so strong handed about this. I guess in my gut I know that everyone works hard for success, but every now and then I convince myself that it just comes easier for others. It’s pretty late, and this feels really incomplete, but I think I’m going to publish it anyway. I think the underlying issue I’m facing here is finding the balance between my personal bar for success, my desire to never disappoint people and the reality that both of the previous items are both probably unattainable.<\/p>\n
Won’t stop me from trying though.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I think that one thing that I do very poorly is succeed. Succeed in the sense that I dream it, I build it, and execute it successfully. This idea goes much deeper than the lunch table “state school” jokes. Instead, it’s something that I’ve really been thinking about lately. As an example, I went to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[4,1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pQyAq-5g","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":169,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2009\/09\/04\/step-on-the-field-to-play-the-game\/","url_meta":{"origin":326,"position":0},"title":"Step on the field to play the game","date":"September 4, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"I played a game with my indoor team \"Where's the Beer?\" last night. I think we lost 19-1 or something along those lines. It wasn't pretty. I've learned that the most important element in the match is coming out of the match with a degree of pride for the way\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Sports Stories"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":333,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2010\/05\/03\/team-dynamics-as-seen-in-a-soccer-match\/","url_meta":{"origin":326,"position":1},"title":"Team dynamics as seen in a soccer match","date":"May 3, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Long title. I know. I just couldn't find a better title. I've been thinking a lot about the dynamics of the last few soccer teams with which I've played. From full-time recreational teams to much more competitive teams, I've really started to notice a trend, and it's really fascinating. I'm\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":473,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2011\/08\/28\/dont-yell-in-email-it-doesnt-work\/","url_meta":{"origin":326,"position":2},"title":"Don't yell in email; it doesn't work","date":"August 28, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm on a soccer team that is a mix between very serious, competitive folks (about a third) and folks who are just out there playing because they want to exercise, have some fun and the like. It's tough to be on the more serious end because you end up getting\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Becoming a PM"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":400,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2010\/11\/01\/understanding-motivation-part-1\/","url_meta":{"origin":326,"position":3},"title":"Understanding motivation - part 1","date":"November 1, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm not convinced that motivations are well understood, least of all by me. You see, I was taught in economics that perfectly rational people will respond to a set of incentives in a perfectly rational way.\u00c2\u00a0While I'm sure that that makes sense in a textbook, and of course for the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":173,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2009\/09\/10\/taking-responsibility\/","url_meta":{"origin":326,"position":4},"title":"Taking Responsibility","date":"September 10, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"The flip side of calling out those who can't compete is taking responsibility when you fail your team, or you fail yourself. I feel like tonight I did both. We lost again, and I was a very selfish player. I didn't move the ball well, and I didn't play solid\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":56,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2007\/05\/06\/final-match-report-spring-2007\/","url_meta":{"origin":326,"position":5},"title":"Final Match Report - Spring 2007","date":"May 6, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"Cary Academy Junior Varsity Girl\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Soccer (2-8-1, 0-2-0) Cardinal Gibbons versus Cary Academy Thursday, May 3 Final Score: Cardinal Gibbons: 4 Cary Academy: 0 Summary: Without heart, a passion for the game, respect for your opponent, and desire, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s very difficult to be successful in life. This fact also holds\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/326"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=326"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/326\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=326"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=326"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}