Forever is a really long time.<\/p>\n
To really make forever with anyone work, there is a lot of give and take. Parents, siblings, lovers, children, friends… It’s a lot of people with whom you are both consciously and subconsciously compromising.<\/p>\n
There are incredibly silly things that are just resolved in the course of feeling each other out. What should the default radio station be in the car. Who cares whether it’s NPR or the local top-twenty station. Just figure it out, and move on.<\/p>\n
Then there’s the next tier, which is where one starts to change because the compromise isn’t something one would naturally choose, but the specific relationship is worth it. As an example, I hate talking on the phone, absolutely hate it, but I have a lot of friends who don’t use technology like I do, and so to stay in their lives I call them. More likely they call me, but I take the call, which I just… I hate the telephone. Actually, note to self… I should find my iPhone ear buds because that was the one saving grace.<\/p>\n
Back to the topic at hand. The change oneself tier is penultimate to the remain true to oneself tier. At some point, one has to be oneself, and any relationship which changes that core is actually a destructive one. If you find that you need to change something which is at someone’s core, then just don’t have a relationship with that person.<\/p>\n
I know the missionaries out there disagree, but I feel as if re-writing an individual’s core is like programming them to be a different person just so that it suits you better.<\/p>\n
The ironic bit of it is that the line between the change oneself tier and the true to oneself tier is undefined, and undefinable. It’s also ever changing, and difficult to nail down. Very Heizenberg in nature in that sense. And just like the partially understood electrons in Heizenberg’s Uncertainty Principle, the opposite party in the relationship can try to nail down an understanding or meaning or logic to why your core is the way it is, but at some degree that’s one’s secret sauce to cultivate, develop and share as one sees fit.<\/p>\n
Why people are this way isn’t supposed to make sense, and that’s the leap of faith we take when we commit ourselves to true lifelong relationships.<\/p>\n
Making sense of “it” is a mistake.<\/p>\n
Discovering “it” is the purpose of the journey.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Forever is a really long time. To really make forever with anyone work, there is a lot of give and take. Parents, siblings, lovers, children, friends… It’s a lot of people with whom you are both consciously and subconsciously compromising. There are incredibly silly things that are just resolved in the course of feeling each […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[60,1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pQyAq-69","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1475,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2015\/01\/31\/my-beekeeping-adventure-begins\/","url_meta":{"origin":381,"position":0},"title":"My beekeeping adventure begins","date":"January 31, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"And so it begins... Last week I went to a beekeeping class. The teachers were hilarious. They just kept making fun of each other. Some of them do it for fun like I will. One of them does it as a side business. It's pretty amazing to see how into\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Adventures in beekeeping"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":338,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2010\/05\/31\/russian-river-weekend\/","url_meta":{"origin":381,"position":1},"title":"Russian River weekend","date":"May 31, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Micky and I trekked north to the Russian River region which is the northern tip of the North Bay. At least, I wouldn't call too much past Guernesville the Bay Area. More than an hour out, and you're really pushing it. Anyway, just as we were getting to our hotel,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Melih gets married"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":71,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2007\/10\/16\/a-plea-to-turks-everywhere\/","url_meta":{"origin":381,"position":2},"title":"A Plea to Turks Everywhere","date":"October 16, 2007","format":false,"excerpt":"On the topic of H.R. 106 suggesting that the events in Eastern Anatolia during the dying days of the Ottoman Empire were genocide, I ask my fellow Turks to consider the following argument.This isn't an issue of hate, but an issue of reconciliation.We can continue to sling mud over the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "just thinking out loud"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":886,"url":"https:\/\/www.onvural.net\/melih\/thoughts\/2014\/02\/07\/were-in\/","url_meta":{"origin":381,"position":3},"title":"We're in!","date":"February 7, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Today we moved into the house... finally :-) The day started whisking the kids off to school, and fitting in a call with