Micky and I trekked north to the Russian River region which is the northern tip of the North Bay. At least, I wouldn’t call too much past Guernesville the Bay Area. More than an hour out, and you’re really pushing it. Anyway, just as we were getting to our hotel, we got into a really big fight. We don’t fight often, but when we do, it really seems to blow up.
We fought over the wedding. Sometimes I’m convinced that there’s a prevailing opinion that the wedding is more important than the marriage. People invest a lot of time into weddings. Do they invest nearly as much into a marriage? I don’t think my parents did. Nor am I convinced that folks in general understand the concept of investing into a marriage. It just feels all out of whack.
We fought over whether I had booked a band or not. I have not. I have a back up plan. One of my dearest friends Trey told me about who they are using for their wedding. Sounded like a really solid back up plan in the event that I can’t find a live band to play. I’ll call them in about a month. But you see, the thing is that I want a live band. The tough bit is that they need to fit into the mold of the wedding. There ought to be a flavor of blue grass to them, and a flavor of popular music to dance to. A small part of me even wants them to be able to pick up some Turkish music for all of us to dance to. How hard could it be to play the old classics that my parents grew up with. The songs themselves aren’t difficult to enjoy… doesn’t that mean they should be easy to pick up?
I know Micky’s right that we can’t ask people to come from all over the world, and then give them a half-assed experience. I know we need to make sure everything is organized, planned and executed. But I also feel that if we spend the next four months investing in the wedding, that we’re throwing a lot of energy into a dead end. My vote is for investing in us.
I coinedÂ golf-and-hike weekends about two months ago as a way for Micky and I to leave the city, and to fill a weekend with things that both of us can do, and generally like to do. Micky has been slowly picking up golf, as have I; I’ve been slowly picking up hiking, and Micky is an avid outdoors-woman. This weekend was our first attempt at golf-and-hike, and in my opinion was time to invest in us. I honestly didn’t give a damn about the band.
I know that attitude was wrong. It’s not about throwing energy into a dead-end. It’s about making sure we come out on the other side knowing that we did right by our families, friends and ourselves. That we put on the show that everyone is coming for.
I also know that I hate making Micky cry. I hate it when she’s sad because of me, or mad because of me. I hate myself when she wants to jump out of a moving car because I hurt her feelings. I also hate when she plays a better round of golf than I do.
The nice thing is though, I don’t hate being wrong when it comes to Micky or when it comes to us. I don’t think I ever apologized to Giana or Ashley or Maria about something I did wrong. Makes a lot more sense why they’re gone when I stop and think about it. But Micky’s still here. I guess it’s because when she’s right I know to stop and admit as much.
Used to be my ego was more important, but nowadays it’s not losing the girl.
I guess we made a pretty big investment in us after all; now if I could just figure out my golf swing…