Author: Melih O.

Today I went to the King Tut exhibit at the de Young Museum in Golden Gate Park. Just walking through the ten rooms that they set up really took me to another place and time. Clearly, the exhibit itself takes you back over 3000 years, and gives you that glimpse into a world that’s nothing like the one we live in today.

It left me with so many questions. What was it like to be poor in a world where the pharaohs, and I’m assuming the rich, had so much wealth? Was the middle class, if there was one, just enabling the wealthy? How does an economy react to as much wealth as was in Tut’s tomb being effectively destroyed when the pharaoh dies? Have we really advanced as much as we often claim in technology, art, culture?

(As an aside, having just written those questions down, it makes me realize that there are a lot of things that probably don’t change at all…)

On a personal level however, it took me back to elementary school. I was fascinated with Egyptology in third grade. I would actually skip recess to have a chance to go the library, and try to find one more book to read about that world which fascinated me so much. I don’t think I was as passionate about anything in my life to this day as I was about becoming an archaeologist when I was in elementary school.

Remembering that really has me questioning a lot of things all of a sudden. I know that I’m good at what I do today, and that makes me very happy.

However, should I have gone after that dream? Would I have been good at it? I’d still be in school, and I definitely would not have gone to NC State. I would not have met James or Matt who are my future co-founders in waiting. I’m not sure where I would have ended up, but I do know that it would have been doing something that I loved.

I ended up asking myself, and my brother the Philosophy major, do we need to fail many more times than we succeed to say that we’ve even tried.

I don’t know what the answer is today, but I’m going to work through it a bit in my head, and see if I can come back and answer the question. In the meantime, please feel free to share.

Tuesday night was Kadir Gecesi, and I asked my co-workers to join me in fasting that day. Kadir Gecesi was the one psuedo-religious/cultural event that we celebrated as children. One prayed that night, and whatever was wished for would be granted (or so the story goes according to my mom). I thought the fun idea of earning a wish for fasting was a good premise for sharing Ramadan with the team.

There are two things that I think one day of fasting teaches a person.

The first is that the body is truly a spectacular machine, and that we haven’t come even close to replicating what was created regardless of the technology we discover and innovate.

The second is that the individual is unbelievably capable of things that he always doubted about himself.

Is it tough to skip that afternoon coffee? Yes, but two of my friends did just that. What about not drinking all day?

The Big Deal himself texted me four or five times about not being able to drink, but on his first day at a new job, he pulled it off, and I bet he even looked good doing it.

And as the time ticked closer and closer to 7:18pm (sunset in San Francisco), the group collectively came together to support each other, and to fill those last minutes, which often seem to last for hours, with camaraderie and laughter.

And so, I realized that I didn’t need to wait for Kadir Gecesi to make my wish. If everyone were as lucky as I feel I have been to have people around me who love me this much, then the world would truly be a better place. It’s amazing what giving up on food and water for a day can teach a person about how full their life really is.

The flip side of calling out those who can’t compete is taking responsibility when you fail your team, or you fail yourself. I feel like tonight I did both. We lost again, and I was a very selfish player. I didn’t move the ball well, and I didn’t play solid defense. When I had the ball at my feet, I did generally make good decisions, but I also generally failed to execute.

Now I’m trying to figure out what to do when I don’t trust half of the team to make good decisions. There are just people who don’t know how to play soccer, and the level at which we play is too high for someone who is a recreation level player. So what should I do? Is the right thing to do to not include them in the decisions that I make?

I won’t pass him the ball. I won’t trust him to get back on defense. I will play as if we’re a man down when he’s on the court.

That doesn’t seem fair to me, or to the team at large.

I’m trying to improve my level of play, and that includes making the other people around me better as well. It’s selfish to be any other way.

Acting as if that person doesn’t exist really hurts the team as well. We need to become a better unit. We need to move better, and maintain a shape that works on the indoor court. It needs to be a team effort, and a team responsibility.

All of that said, mainly out of frustration, I need to set goals for myself for the next match. First of all, I need to be a more positive force on the team. The important thing for me is to get back to the basics, and force myself to play 2-touches max, and focus on moving the ball, and my body position around the field. Finally, I think I need to just push the individual to work on improving one piece of his game. Work on defense first, and let’s get marking, body position, and general defensive techniques down. From there, we can really accomplish anything.

I failed myself, and my team today, and I’m not going to let it happen again.

Tonight’s writing exercise is a special one dedicated to someone who is very important to me, and without whom I would not be who I am today

If you knew me well when I was nine years old, then the answer would surprise you. In fact, you wouldn’t believe me. It just doesn’t flesh with what you would have seen day in and day out.

If you knew me when I was five years old, then it may make a bit more sense. The thing is, at five years old, the brainwashing is in full force. You’re told to be a certain way. To act a certain way. There’s a complete innocence to it as well. It’s exciting, and the anticipation around it all tends to catch you up and carry you with it. I also find that there’s an appeasement process involved which makes the whole process a bit easier to bear.

I think you’d guess it best if you’ve known me later in life. Especially around the time that I graduated from high school and through college. I don’t think I made too many decisions without considering… my younger brother.

He was supposed to be a she. Everything was pink. I remember how excited everyone was. Grandparents were in town, and we lived in the apartment complex off of Blue Ridge. I think I drove everyone by that place at least once in the last five years to say I used to live there. It puts in perspective where the journey started.

I don’t really remember much else until he was about two years old, and would come out into the cul-de-sac naked while my friends and I were riding bikes. His crib/bed/whatever was right below my bunk bed, and I’m not sure if I imagined this but I’m pretty sure there was some jumping from one bed to another going on. Not necessarily a smart thing to do, but fun nonetheless.

I think from the point where he was a pain in the ass, until he stopped being a pain in the ass, we probably fought non-stop. It was pretty insane. It was quite healthy though. We would really do everything together, and then he would annoy the hell out of me, and then I’d beat him up. I was told in high school that I needed to talk to someone about it, but I’m not sure that it was anything more than a big brother defining who the boss was.

I’m pretty sure we all know now that Doruk is in fact the boss.

I’m not sure when he quit being a pain in the ass, but I find myself constantly amazed at the man who my little brother has grown up to be. He has an immense desire to excel. It isn’t an outward bound need to show to others. I’ve found it to be a very fierce, very passionate form of desire. With this same energy, he loves; he thinks; he laughs; he cries. It has no beginning; no end; no need to operate by the rules that define others.

And so others follow him. They laugh when he smiles, and they reach new heights by simply standing upon his shoulders. He acts as the proverbial giant for those who want to see further than their own destinies would allow. And all of this at 20 years old. Imagine what the next twenty years have to offer.

Happy Birthday to the best thing that ever happened to me… my little brother, Doruk.

In a general regard, I think that having pride in what one does is one of the more difficult achievements on my list. I think this mainly comes from the fact that many people work simply to support a lifestyle or to cater to a social norm of contributing or earning one’s place. It’s essentially throwing 40 hours over five days to enable the freedom of weekends and weeknights which “make up” for the time chained to the desk. Not really an ideal way to be in my own personal opinion.

For me however, I get an immense amount of pride in investing my time and energy into activities that I then show off to others as an example of my successes and achievements. Oftentimes it relates to work, but it also includes convincing a pretty girl to date me or finding an extra touch of speed on the soccer field. It could in fact be something as simple as figuring out how to work all of the appliances in a kitchen, but I really was focusing on external oriented factors here – specifically making my family and friends proud to be associated with me.

I think that the concept of respect amongst friends is an odd one, but it’s something I value very much amongst my friends. The odd part to me is that I can’t have a friendship without a degree of respect, but I think that there are those who only surround themselves with people who fear them or revere them, both of which are poor substitutes for respect. To be feared is, I would think, the preferred relationship a dictator, whether benevolent or not, wants with his citizens. It’s something that lasts until someone is willing to stand up and point out that the situation is a house of cards at best and a complete facade otherwise. Clearly someone is oftentimes many someones as the situation in Iran, Myanmar and elsewhere have demonstrated, but nonetheless dictatorships are often about boosting ego more than establishing true understanding and development of the parties involved.

What then about reverence? I can’t find a striking difference between this and fear except that it’s much quicker to disappear. It takes much less for reverence to replaced by indifference than for fear to be replaced by courage. That said, the insincerity of both seem to make this paradigm much more circular in nature than linear.

I personally find that being across the circle from both of these substitutes as allowed me to have what I would call true friends, and honest relationships. When I allowed myself to be revered, it often ended with a realization that things couldn’t be as they seemed because, as the adage goes, if it feels too good to be true, then it probably is.

The reason I want to focus on the external here is because I feel like if I set as a goal for myself working, innovating, creating at a standard at which my friends and family will be proud, then how could I not be proud of myself given the framework in which I build these relationships? It allows me to have an external barometer which is better calibrated than my own intuition as to whether I can hold my head up high and say that I have achieved. It’s truly a badge of honor to allow others to lead that charge for you.

In 5 years I want my brother to say that he’s proud that not only am I his brother, but that I’m a person who improves { “human interaction”, “communication”, “problem solving” } through a commitment to excellence. He won’t make it easy, but that’s what makes the journey to get there fun.